Forget Comme des Garcons, forget Gaultier. No-one accessorises better than Nintendo. It might be that they’ve had a good 100+ years under their belt, no seasons to abide by and no stick thin models to bear in mind, but when it comes to pimping out their characters, the guys at Nintendo have got it down. They create not only the most memorable characters in gaming history, but also deck them out with a wealth of fine gadgetry that’d make even the best superhero re-examine their utility belt. The guys over at Dialaphone sent us a Wii from their free gifts range (yup, you can get a bloody Wii when you take out a contract on selected phones), and we thought instead of reviewing the thing (who hasn’t played on a Wii?) we’d take a look at the top side dishes on the Mario menu.
The boys will dominate this list – unfortunately as much as we love Nintendo they seem obsessed with kitting their female characters out with nothing but parasols and a lust for plumbers. Falcon, the archetypical hench of the gaming world, kicks off the list with his beast of a ride. As formidable and unmistakeable as the man himself, his wheels ‘The Blue Falcon’ had to front a successful racing franchise – and blow the Batmobile out of the water, so it’s no surprise it was more pimped out than that ill-advised MTV show.
Not going to lie – Fox McCloud isn’t high on our list of favourite characters (*waits patiently for half the internet to leave TQS never to return again*) – there was just something about him, growing up, that irked us. But we did like that he used to swan round the galaxy picking up phone calls from planets under attack, hands free with his Madonna-esque headset. Some might call him a trendsetter.
Samus’ Right Arm
The only girl on our list had to be the bad-ass-ist of them all. One of Nintendo’s most enduring, but oft overlooked characters Samus Aran, is a fan favourite – as is her power armour suit featuring that, frankly terrifying, right arm. Half laser-pen gone too far, half blast cannon, it’s a tough piece of kit that makes her ongoing foe the Metroids weak at the knees (if they had knees…) We also love her features in the Smash Bros series, where she really holds her own amongst the big boys as a character with both strength and depth.
We’ve all been there. You’re half way across the Hyrule Field and the sun starts setting. The fear grips you and you reckon you’ll just make the sun stay out a little longer by playing a small tune – but then you can’t remember the right sequence of buttons to make the spell work. And then you can hear one of those awful skeleton things come after you. IT’S THE STUFF NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF. Just me? I really hope it’s not just me. Pretty sweet gadget though – we loved how Nintendo put the soundtrack of games in the heart of the action.
Ok, ok, so he’s not technically a gadget BUT think of it this way – right hand man, always helps you out of a tight spot, you couldn’t live without him (literally, in some cases, when he fetches you out of the mouth of a dragon). See – Luigi is the perfect gadget. Pocket sized, reliable, and, most importantly, doesn’t need an eye-wateringly expensive update once every 12 months. Win.
By Jamie McHale